Tried to spend my student loan money on a piece of ‘Guts’ Aggro Crag


No good decision is made at 3 a.m. after a night of drinking. Nothing. If the worst thing I ever did was lose almost $ 800 on a student loan by bidding on a piece of the Aggro Crag, well, in a macro sense, I guess I did well. Nevertheless, it was three terrifying days.

A monthly tradition in my college apartment was to watch the UFC. This fight was going to be awesome: Matt Hughes vs. Georges St. Pierre, UFC 65. I had to work until 10pm, but it was okay – my friends were going to wait and watch it with me. They were cool like that. Unbeknownst to me, they had been drinking since mid-afternoon, let alone their plan to “catch up” to me. I walked through the door after a long day and was greeted with four things: a video camera in my face, a beer bong, and two 64-ounce beer growlers.

This is where I should explain the camera. We’ll call my friends by their nicknames because they’re grown men with families now. Swizzle and Da Viking had a penchant for videotaping their drunken escapades and editing them together in a series they called Smart Party. Both were film majors in college and Smart Party was their magnum opus. Tonight they were recording. Both were older than me and way colder than me – so peer pressure got me to drink both growlers and 15 minutes later 128 ounces of seven percent Oktoberfest was in my stomach. Everything was fine until about an hour later.

I don’t remember the fight. I don’t remember much of the night. I remember making Ramen noodles with the best beer in Milwaukee and passing out on the couch around 4am – while Swizzle and Da Viking were playing Halo and still drinking.

I woke up the next afternoon and Swizzle was already wearing his New England gear and watching the Pats. Originally from New Hampshire, he was deeply attached to his team and I was amazed that he hadn’t felt any of the effects of the night before. “As soon as the match is over, we watch Smart Party“, he said.” Dude … you were absolutely hilarious. “

The shaky video looked like something from a found horror movie. The camera lined up side to side as if being filmed on a boat. At one point I was singing the Canadian national anthem, presumably in support of GSP, but towards the end of the video I became obsessed with Bowels, Nickelodeon Bowels. The athletically perfect show that was in two parts Nerf and part the Olympics. “I wish I could have been on Guts,” I shouted over the tape. “I couldn’t because I lived in Australia. It’s discrimination!”

He brought the video forward 30 minutes and I was still talking about Bowels, then he put forward 25 more – still talking about Bowels. In total I had spoken about it Bowels for an hour and 27 minutes before heading to the computer in the corner of our living room, logging into eBay and finding a piece of the Aggro Crag for $ 800.

“There are seven offers! I need this ! The video capturing every moment of my bad decision. Da Viking interjected, “James, don’t do it brother. Think about it. At least until morning.”

“TOO LATE!” I cried, clicking the mouse triumphantly in an exaggerated manner.

Back on the couch this Sunday afternoon, I laughed, but it hadn’t really penetrated yet. That $ 800 was my student loan balance. It was for the books, my parking pass and all the accessories I would need for the year. Everything was stuck on eBay and this was at a time when it was almost impossible to revoke an offer. I was locked up.

I panicked for the next three days. Furiously checking eBay every few hours hoping I would outbid it, while also trying to make contingency plans on how I would handle an $ 800 deficit. Maybe I could photocopy a few books, only have lunch every other day, park a few miles from school, and walk. It might work, right? I knew no. At least I’ll have a piece of Aggro Crag, I thought. It’s not something that a lot of people can say they have.

Ten minutes before I left home to go to work, I checked one last time. “You are no longer the highest bidder.” It couldn’t be true, could it? Mouth open, I checked the list and sure enough it was $ 835. It sold out the next day and my semester was saved. It remains both one of my silliest drunken moments, and also something I still occasionally check out on eBay to this day – because having a piece of Aggro Crag would be drugs.

Three days later, a package arrived at our door. Swizzle had bid on (and won) $ 275 in antique German beer mugs.


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